I'm feeling rather light today so instead of half-coherent musings on the root of suffering being miscommunication between body and mind or some equally mind numbing crappola like that, I present you with

The Very Best of Uncylopedia

On Jorge Luis Borges:

In the beginning Borges existed as a plot element in someone else's story, but as he found his own peculiar voice -- his personality -- he gradually took over this fiction and made it his own.

Of course this is what we all do. Born into the story of our parents' lives we at first live in their narrative. Their story includes our diaper changes, our first steps, the time we spat strained peas on the ceiling and the time Uncle Norbert filled our baby bottle with beer, and our fascination with the procreative acts of our pet hamsters. Only as we find our own interior voices do we begin to create our own separate existences: only then do we create our own narratives. Jorge Luis Borges was no different...except that he created himself as a self-conscious metafiction.

The rest of us are more like badly-produced TV mockumentaries.

On Grant Morrison:

Grant Morrison is a fictional DC Comics superhero. In 1989, Morrison succesfully wrote himself into real life, impressing both his fans and his owners at DC. Since then, he has been working as a comic book writer.

Though his solo series was originally supposed to be limited to four issues, Morrison refused to stop at that number and the comic upgraded itself into an on-going series. The comic's strong sales are often attributed Morrison's ease for jumping into other comics to advertise his series, as well as his tendency to join minor superteams without being invited. These included the Justice League France, the Doom Patrol, the Teen Titans, and, briefly, the Suicide Squad.

Morrison's anarchist ideas didn't sit well with the members of the Justice League, and he was kicked out within a year (though he managed to retain his croissant shaped signal device). He was also ordered to remain within 50 ft. of the Teen Titans, after his affair with teenage witch Raven was exposed. He had similar bad luck with the Suicide Squad, which dissolved after their first mission due to a sudden shortage of members. However, the far more obscure and unpopular Doom Patrol, a comic bordering on cancellation since 1967, proved to be desperate and misguided enough to follow Morrison's ideas. During his tenure as leader of the team, the Patrol stopped fighting supervillains and their comic became a sequence of disconnected and unrelated absurdist scenes (most of which involved bovines and kitchen utensils). Any resemblance to an actual plot within the comic is to be taken as purely coincidential.

Meanwhile, in his own series, Morrison insisted on gazing at his readers through the page during innapproapiate times, sometimes causing them to spill their beverages. He also began replacing his lines of dialogue with personalized insults towards whoever was reading the comic at the time, especially if they were jewish. After teasing and flirting for months, Morrison finally raped the Fourth Wall in Animal Man #26, walking out of the comic and into the real world to the utter shock of readers, especially those reading in the bathroom. The comic went on for another 54 issues after Morrison abandoned it, with various household items from his empty house serving as protagonists (an obvious attempt on DC's part to recreate the success of Houseplant).

On Salvador Dali:

Random Journalist: "Hey, cool paintings Salvador! That's some trippy shit. What drugs did you take to do a painting like that?"

Sir Salvador the Mighty of Dali: "I am a drug. Take me."

The random journalist then attempted to do this, much to the disgust of Salvador's beloved wife Gala, who did not think that climbing into a giant bong shaped like an egg and allowing any middle class idiot with a camera to take a toke on him was entirely beneficial to his career. She then proceeded to have the local constabulary remove the journalist from her property and had a restraining order taken out on him.

On long articles:

Repeating the same thing over and over again

When this is applied to real text, it is advised to repeat more than one word at a time and to add the repetition after the repeated part, thus grouping them. When this is applied to pointless or irrelevant messages, it is advised to do this on the end of the page, you can make use of a variant of tools for an extra effect. An alternative style of this method might include mentioning a lot of things which mean the same thing, like with synonyms.